Maybe This is Just How it Goes

We've gone back to never talking again. I can't help but wonder if this is how things work. After all, I've never been in this situation before. Is it normal? I hope so. I'm so used to dating friends that I feel like we should communicate all the time. Plus, that's what we did at first. I guess I'm just going to ride it out and see what happens, but these waves are killing me.

Well This Sucks

I got an eye infection :( I hope I can wear makeup if/when I have a date...

I Guess That Answers That

So last night right after I posted, I ended up talking to the guy as usual. I just mentioned that I had listened to some bands he recommended, and that was that. I think he seemed distant earlier because he was using his Android to chat, which can make it difficult. Plus I think he was playing Halo.

Earlier today, he initiated conversation with me! That definitely made me feel better. We talked for a while, and things went well. I mentioned that I was interested in riding the Polar Express (on which he works) but that it costs too much. He offered to get me on for free, but I said I didn't want to go alone or get him in trouble. So, he asked if I'd go with him if he has a day off! I said that I would if I was free. I am so nervous!

For the record, I thought about it for a while before answering. There are so many things to be worried about! First of all, I have to tell Lisa if I'm going to meet anyone from the website, because I told her I would. That is not going to go well. Second, what if he doesn't like me? I might look a lot different in person, or have an annoying voice. That would be really awful. I thought about all of this for as long as I could before answering, and this is what I decided: It has to happen sometime, or I'm wasting my energy talking to this guy. I might as well get it over with. So I'm going to suck it up and do it.

I Didn't See That Coming

So the girl, we're going to call her Lisa from now on so that I don't have to say the girl anymore, was talking to one of her old friends about our open relationship. This friend told her she should break up with me because I don't want to make it a closed relationship. We've been talking about it, and it doesn't look like she's going to do it. The more we talk though, the more I realize it needs to happen. Just thinking about it makes my heart hurt. I don't know what I'm going to do. It's nice to have most of my feelings out in the open though.

On another note things seem to have taken a bad turn with the guy. Maybe it's just me being paranoid, but it seems like he doesn't want to talk to me as much as before. Maybe he's just busy, or has other people to talk to. After all, it's not like there's any form of commitment between us. We haven't even met. I'm hoping it's just paranoia because a few others have done the same thing. I wonder if it's something I'm doing wrong?

I Wonder Where This is Going...

So the guy and I have become friends on facebook. I know that may not sound like a big deal, but it definitely feels like one.

He friended me so that I could read a status he posted, calling out his family. It was pretty intense. I know now that he has a lot of family problems, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. He says that he tried to make things work so I'm going to try and believe him. I'm considering actually meeting him sometime. I've never done that before, so I hope it works out.

Sorry, I failed.

It's been forever since I've posted. At first it was because school was keeping me so busy, then my life went in a weird direction, but now I have some time again so here I am.



I got back with the girl... probably a bad choice but I just couldn't help it. It's an open relationship so I can see other people, but I'm starting to feel trapped again. I don't know what to do about this off and on relationship. When we're "off" I can't think about anything but being with her, but when we're "on" I just want to get away. I really do care about her, we just have so many problems that never get worked out. I'm sure that if I asked some love doctor or something they'd tell me to run away, but every time I try I just get sucked back in. On top of that, she's my best friend and I can't stand to hurt her by breaking things off. I keep wishing that she'll stop wanting me, because even though it'll kill me it would make things better for her. However, when that finally came true in the past, I did everything I could to win her back instead of letting her go. What am I doing?



On a completely separate note, I joined a dating site :P It was an accident, but I was really bored so I filled out my profile. When I actually got some messages I started paying attention. This one guy has really caught my attention, and now we've started texting all the time. Maybe something will come of it? It seems kind of weird to meet someone in person that I met online, but I know a couple that met that way who is now happily married. What do you think?

It's been awhile...

I haven't posted anything in a long time, but that's because not much has really happened. I went swing dancing again, and the cute boy was back! He remembered me, but didn't ask me to dance at all. I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend anyway. Other than that, not much going on. I'm going back to campus tomorrow. Hopefully I can get a fresh start there.